2022.01.27 20:04 cowwhisperer69 a prison island with no laws or guards
2022.01.27 20:04 EletricWolfNS Local Hero Kills Rats #3
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2022.01.27 20:04 Man-oF-Culture96 [REQUEST] Looking for this book: Numerical Analysis, 10th, Richard L. Burden & J. Douglas Faires
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2022.01.27 20:04 ljcole90 Toxic Positivity: My experience of the ‘lightning process’
Against all advice, I decided to give the ‘lightning process’ a go recently, because I really wanted to experience for myself what ‘brain retraining’ really involved and come my own conclusions about it. I now want to post about my experience so that others can make a more informed decision when deciding whether to try this or one of the other programmes. I apologise in advance for the long post, but I want to be thorough and bring more transparency to what this process really is.
So, I paid £750 for a 3-day course. I was also asked to buy audio files for £20 to listen to that would prepare me for the course. The audio files laid out the ‘science’ behind the process, as well as arguing that others had recovered and so we should prepare to put ourselves into this ‘success group’ and stop thinking that nothing will work. The rest consisted of hopeful stories narrated by women who had miraculous recoveries. One of the girls went shopping after the first day of the course. Another went hiking up a mountain. Ridiculous stuff, but the cumulative effect was to make you feel hopeful that you might experience some gain from the 3 days.
So, we plunged into the 3 days. It was me, two women and the ‘coach’. Day 1 was filled with examples of what’s ‘gone wrong’ with us: to summarise, the proposition is that we are stuck in a fear response and our limbic system is in constant ‘fight or flight’ mode. We approach life with fear about symptom flare ups and crashes. The cure? To reset our nervous system and make sure it is ‘rest and digest’ mode more often so that the body can heal.
Now, regardless of the relationship of this theory to cfs/ME, there is obviously some use to the idea of calming ourselves down, letting ourselves destress and so on. And here was the only useful part of the lightning process for me. But I’ll get into that more later. I’ll also tell you why I think this idea is fundamentally flawed.
We were told we needed to change our language: instead of feeling tired ‘we were ‘duing’ tiredness. This ‘du’ word is spelled that way to show that we are unconsciously doing the tiredness, rather than consciously doing it, but the distinction didn’t make me feel less uncomfortable. To be made to say that I was “duing M.E’ felt pretty unethical and victim-blaming. What’s worse, every time I said something like, I’m feeling tired, or I’m feeling unsure, I was told to change it to ‘I’m ‘duing’ those things. The point is to try and make us feel like we have agency, and that we can choose not to ‘du’ any of these things, but this is so unscientific when it comes to illness that it borders on gaslighting. Ok sure, stress and negativity don’t help illness, and being less stressed and negative might help you feel less bad, but to say that we’ve chosen (unconsciously or not) to be this way and that we’ve caused the illness by being like this is, I think, an ugly and offensive theory. Am I meant to believe that other people who are perfectly healthy have a good relationship with stress and their nervous systems are perfect? Everyone has stress; not everyone develops chronic postviral illnesses.
Anyway, at the end of Day 1, we were introduced to the ‘process’ itself. Essentially, this involves saying ‘stop’ when we experience anything negative, whether that’s physical symptoms or psychological thoughts. We’re then asked to make a ‘choice’: do I want to continue being negative, or live a life I love? Obviously, we choose the latter. Then we tell ourselves how fantastic we are for making that choice and that we’re an amazing and powerful genius. I could barely get through this section because it felt so inauthentic. I was told I wasn’t doing it ‘congruently’ and they didn’t believe I meant my words. I was made to do it again until I sounded congruent enough. It was torture.
I spent the first night in tears, feeling totally hopeless and that I’d reached another dead end. I also felt like I’d been made to feel like a failure at the ‘process’ because I didn’t believe it enough.
Anyway I came back to the second day with an ultimatum: I’d tell the ‘coach’ how I felt about it and if I wasn’t listened to properly I’d stop there and then. I explained my feelings and how inauthentic the whole thing felt, and finally we came to a compromise that I could choose my own words and didn’t have to call myself a genius all the time. After that, the second day was better. And so was the third day. I had a nice group and we learned about how to use positive visualisations to take the mind to happier places. This was the final step of the process: learning how to counter negative feelings and fear with visualisations and ‘brain rehearsals’ that would prepare us for good experiences.
I have to admit that by the end of the 3 days I felt slightly brainwashed and felt like I should commit to this programme of intensive positivity for a few days. Why not, I thought? What harm could it do?
So I spent the next few days doing the process over and over and over. Every time I felt tense, or sad, I did it. And I did it with some success, making myself feel calmer and stopping spirals into despair. But with my symptoms themselves I started to hit a wall. I was exhausted, not least from the 3 days of seminars, and my fatigue did not respond whatsoever to my attempts to either calm myself down or energise myself. The more I did it and the less it worked, the more I felt like a failure. I even called my coach for a pep talk and he said to take the pressure off myself and it would work eventually. I thought about those success stories of people climbing mountains one day into the seminars. Why did I still feel nothing? How does calming myself down equate to a literally transformational reversal of my illness? I started to feel deeply sceptical about the whole thing.
Still, I carried on trying. It wasn’t until I had a complete breakdown that I realised how much pressure the whole thing had put on me to suppress my emotions, my symptoms, the reality of my condition. By that point, several days after the seminars, I felt worse than ever. I was so fatigued, anxious, upset. I finally broke down in tears for an entire evening, in total despair. Everything I had suppressed over and over again with mindless, toxic positivity finally had to be released. The more I had tried to deny the reality of the pain, the fatigue, the emotional strain, the worse it got. I felt angry, I felt exhausted. I felt like a failure. It was unbearable.
Jump forward a few days and we had an hour long ‘check-in’ with the coach to see how we were all doing. One of the women, who had been ill for 2 months, had totally recovered, largely (she said) by saying ‘no’ to her symptoms. She was going on long walks again and going out most evenings. I couldn’t quite believe it and wondered if she was just fooling herself or if she’d simply had a very minor postviral bug. I even wondered if she was a ‘plant’ - a model of success to make us think miracles were possible. That shows how suspicious I’d become of the whole thing. Both me and the other woman, who have had several years of suffering from ME, were no better. I wanted to talk about how difficult I’d found it, but the coach said we were only allowed to talk about positive experiences. So I said everything I’d done the past few days and was given a round of applause. I then said that I also had challenges and talked about those, but was told that by thinking about the negatives I was undermining my positive ‘editing’ of my memories. What’s worse, I was also advised to limit contact with any non-positive influences, including my own mother.
I’m not here to ‘edit’ everything out of my life that isn’t rainbows and butterflies. That’s part of life too. Mindless positivity is just that: mindless. It’s not a life at all. The lightning process as a ‘cure’ for genuine ME is a placebo, and it only works insofar as you buy into it. For me, I felt like a failure for not believing it enough, for not trying hard enough, for still feeling tired, for not magicking my symptoms away through positive self talk. But I also know I’m better than that, and I luckily rose above it before it wore me down or pushed me into a crash, which it easily could have done (I was being advised to push myself to go in more walks etc and that could easily have made me worse).
It’s not all completely negative: I have taken away some useful tools about how to have a more compassionate and calm outlook on things. And I’m also more self-aware about my limiting beliefs. But you could get these things from a therapist or any self-help book, and you could easilyavoid a £750 price tag.
Anyway, I’m glad I did it, in a way. Because I feel like it’s taught me what doesn’t work: that toxic positivity is harmful to genuine recovery, which I’m learning is much more about acceptance, self-compassion, and self-awareness. I’m now meditating regularly and pacing, and treating rest as a productive use of my time, rather than something that should be seen as a defeat (the lightning process told me to stop resting). So it’s just another unfortunately expensive mistake on the route to healing.
I hope this will help people who are in two minds, and will bring greater clarity to what the process is, as well as its limits and dangers. Ultimately it’s up to you to experience. But I would save your money and take the power into your own hands: only you will be able to figure out what works for you.
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2022.01.27 20:04 BensReddits Where are the worst places to get help from?
2022.01.27 20:04 02adrianmacias I was wondering, does the expansion pak make all the games look better? Or is it just used for games like majora’s mask and donkey Kong to be playable? I never had one as a kid so I’m curious.
2022.01.27 20:04 BellyGhosts How to adhere tips when using Polygel?
I want to try using tips (the kind that only go on the free edge, not full cover) under my next set of polygel nails. I’m not sure what the best way to adhere them would be.
Should I use nail glue, or can you adhere them with base gel, or builder gel?
If someone could walk me through what to do that would be so helpful!
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2022.01.27 20:04 LitiareDotCom How great is her boyfriend 😬
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2022.01.27 20:04 petemoore93 I'm going to admit this in public, Jacobs Ladder is my favorite Rush song
Jacobs Ladder is by far my favorite. The bands timing and Alex's chord progression and string bends at the beginning are some of the best in the catalog. When friends want to hear a Rush song I'll play this one first (and skip the obligatory Tom Sawyer)
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2022.01.27 20:04 all_the_kittermows Ask your doctors about this trial for Covid protection.
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2022.01.27 20:04 thickwonga Would like advice on which phone to get of these three: Note 20 Ultra, S21 Ultra, or Pixel 6/6 Pro.
I was gonna get the S22 Ultra, but it seems to not be much of an upgrade from the S21 Ultra. I also know there's a lot of talk about the Pixel 6, so I wanted advice on which phone I should get. Thanks!
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2022.01.27 20:04 justcurious1900 Grading a side sloped yard. Best attachment for 1025r?
I am about to take delivery of a 1025r and anxiously planning some of the projects I’d like to tackle first in my property. I have a portion of the yard on one side of the house that is improperly sloped towards the house. It’s 50 foot by 20 foot strip with the left side being a retaining wall where the yard is much higher, and the right side being the house. I need to slope this flat or a slight slope towards the retaining wall.
I am very inexperienced with any kind of grading and trying to do my research. A grading blade makes sense to me as I could tilt it down to dig the high side and angle it so the dirt pushes towards the low side. But I keep reading people recommending other implements and I don’t know what to make of it. What would be my best bet to get this done?
I would be renting likely. My tractor will already have a front loader with bucket and a quick attach 3pth.
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2022.01.27 20:04 meuxbox Xbox acaba de receber um recurso muito esperado pelos usuários
2022.01.27 20:04 clayonnaise yk how spanish the subject and then so estoy no need yo. what if i english
2022.01.27 20:04 NotoriousMAB JANUARY SWAP
2022.01.27 20:04 Widowshypers I recently got a guitar as a present and I have no idea what these are at the bottom below the strings.
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2022.01.27 20:04 Apprehensive-Math-59 Kink in BTS tail? Is this MBD/shedding result/injury????
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2022.01.27 20:04 nahnprophet Series X: Any tips on when to check the stores, and which ones?
I still have zero luck at finding a Series X anywhere, and I've been looking regularly. Anyone have a strategy or know what stores are a better bet?
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2022.01.27 20:04 Resident-Safe771 Josh the zombie. Me,digital,2022
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2022.01.27 20:04 crytoloover NEW CRYPTO UPDATE ⚡ ALTSWITCH ⚡ 🚀 NEXT 100X COIN ? 🚀 BIG METAVERSE CRYPTO PLANS ? 🌌
2022.01.27 20:04 TX908 JetPack Aviation speeds on with 2nd-gen flying motorcycle tests
2022.01.27 20:04 Brilliant-Wonder-698 Más de 100 cuentas en mi grupo, si hay una que te interese agregamos ese contenido sin problema $ dm si te interesa
2022.01.27 20:04 Lemoncatnipcupcake Divot in shin, maybe shin splits? More info in comments
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2022.01.27 20:04 Same-Ad449 that’s 5 posts in a week
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2022.01.27 20:04 Mordasko What is so special?
Hi. I am new to this forum
I finished the game a few days ago and I still cannot shake the hangover of the game’s beauty. Just can’t stop thinking about the story and experience.
I have kind of a problem with it as my mind tells me that there is a lot of imperfection inside Plague Tale but ... what can you do when you’re in love. Can someone explain to me what is so special about Plague Tale Innocence? I do not mean to praise visuals, music or acting - I know they are just lovely.
I am thinking of a psychological explanation. I suspect that this thing that strikes most is a story of losing innocence. Observing these bright, innocent kids being broken time and time again by brutal and disgusting reality is kind of perverse. I feel that as we are adults playing the game we put ourselves on the ugly side of this equation. It’s just a world we’ve created that we want to hide from kids. I think that we are missing that lost innocence we once had and we would like to come and comfort that poor couple. The contrast between the beauty and horror is so mighty, tangible and well presented that it is impossible to picture in a book or even movie. Only games can give that immersion.
Maybe this is the reason I haven’t had such strong feelings before.
What do you think?
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